fishy, no?

2012 resolutions

2012-01-10T13:53:00.003+08:00

Yea I know, it's almost 2 weeks into January and here I am, a lil' too late to be making new year resolutions. Still, late is better than never right?

I, Lee Yu Wei, will fulfill these 50 new year resolutions even if I get killed in the process. I will not let them go down the drain due to my lack of determination, like every other year. (;

1. See through project Vision Guardian Angel and write a newsletter/brochure sorta thing about it.

2. Raise 15k for the project, even if it takes a whole year to achieve.

3. Run a full marathon.

4. TRAIN for my full marathon, unlike last time ):

5. Climb Mt.kinabalu

6. Conquer Tahan! Roar!

7. Learn how to surf. :D

8. Get into a nightclub. Yea, I'm 20 and I've never even been to a club. I feel so naive. /:

9. Get a new hairstyle, which I already did, so I guess it's 49 to go! Wheeeee!

10. Dye my hair a funky color! I can't decide on purple or blue though. /:

11. Learn another language. I've always wanted to learn to write and read French (it sounds nasally when you speak it), or learn Italian or Spanish. Funny how I'll end up learning Indian language instead.

12. Travel. Bali, here I come!!!!! XD

13. Go on a camping trip. Even if it's only for a night.

14. Start saving money, so I can realize my dream of world travel.

15. Go bungee jumping! XD

16. Become less shy. Yea I may not come across as being so, but I'm shy. XD so for 2012, I'll hide in the corner less and join in more!

17. Get fit!

18. Overcome my insecurities, or learn to accept them. (:

19. Write 2 blog posts per month, even of it's about random crap. (like this one)

20. Write a book! xD

21. Get a weekend job that pays a good amount. (:

22. Learn how to appreciate.

23. Get my waist back to its original less than 24 inches size. /:

24. Hug more. (:

25. Write about my experience during expedition. No slacking off!

26. Do something crazy. (oh well, I'll think of what crazy thing to do...)

27. Self learn some breakdancing moves.

28. Run/walk/cycle a minimum of 15km every week. Even if it's on a treadmill.

29. Adopt an animal.

30. Dance in the rain.

31. Laugh until I cry.

32. Watch the sun rise at the beach and on top of a mountain.

33. Get in touch with long lost friends.

34. Study consistently everyday once I get into Uni. No more procrastinating and last minute studying.

35. Pass up my article on time every month.

36. Discover and write about more places in Malaysia!

37. Learn how to dive. :D

38. Go on an expedition! Raleigh! Grrrrr!

39. Be an IW staff!

40. Start my own business. Or costart one. Either one. XD

41. Spend more time with my family. (:

42. Start on the Law of Attraction workbook and follow through.

43. Look into the mirror everyday and ask myself, is this what I want to do for my life? If the answer is not, change!

44. Smile and be nicer to people.

45. Chat with a random stranger on a public transport.

46. Read 100 books and jot 'em down in my blog.

47. Organize an event.

48. Take a family photo without pulling any weird faces.

49. Take more photos of life.

50. The most important. To be who I want to be, not who others want me to be!

*wipes sweat off forehead* phew, 50 is a huge lot to come up with. But yeaaaa, I will see through every single one of them. X) wish me luck. *fingers crossed*

2011-11-13T19:33:00.006+08:00

Once again, I prove the fact that I blog when I have something important to do. *ahem*exams*ahem*.

I tried to sign into my old blog just now. Just to, relive the memories. The days we had. The pranks we pulled. The times we cried and argued, only to find that it brought us closer together. The days we spent playing tennis in the rain. The nights we practiced the instrument over and over again until our hands ache. The afternoons we spent wasting our time in the library skipping practice. The hugs and tears during graduation. And the heartbreak I had once upon a time...

Well, they're gone.

The words I poured out. The blog bitching I did. They're just gone. Cause somewhere along the road Windows Live decided to erase the Spaces.

And now I'm left with regret for not saving them when I had a chance. I feel like wringing my own neck. Ugh.

Which brings me to this.

Regret.

I don't want to regret my life.

I don't want to study my ass off, get a good job just to graduate, be an employee and slave my life away.

I don't want to be those people, who has this engraved on their tombstone. "Buried at 60, dead at 30"

I don't want to simply EXIST.

"We're here to put a dent in the universe. Otherwise why else even be here?" - Steve Jobs

"I want to be someone great. To make a small difference in this world because of my existence." - Gidden (sorry for my crappy translation. :P)

Don't we all?

So why are we giving up on our dreams?

Priorities, you say. Expectations that you have to live up to. Society that you have to care for what they think. Parents, family that you have to pacify. Money that you don't have. Culture, the barrier that you can never overcome. Naysayers, planting seeds of doubts. Or just simply, I'm not enough.

Not great enough. Not capable enough. Not rich enough. Not confident enough. The list goes on.

And that's what left of our dreams. Just dreams.

Excuses schmexcuses.

"Doesn't matter what you've heard, impossible is not a word. It's just a reason, for someone not to try." - Kutless, What faith can do.

"Don't say: I can't do it. Say instead: How can I do it?" - Mal Emery, Your Right to be Rich.

As the old saying goes. There's a will, there's a way. Or else, how did Terry Fox ran more that 5000k in 143 days with one amputated leg? How did Air Asia came to be one of the 1st chosen flight companies in Malaysia and in some other countries too?

They had the passion that drove them to success. Just like everything else in life, you can't live without passion. How would you feel if you woke up every morning thinking "I don't want to go to work" for the remainder of your life? (Just like I do now. :P) You won't get far in what you do if you don't have that fire burning within you.

So, just go after what you love. If you really want something, you'll find a way to make it happen. At what cost. You'll mould your life around it. You'll find a way to convince others. You'll make it work. When you do something with a passion. It shows. And the obstacles will just fall away.

Live life with no regrets. There's only one chance. One life. Make it worth.

Fishtail

Not for the faint-hearted - Braving the Malaysia KTM chaos

2011-10-30T08:59:00.005+08:00

This post was written without the intention of any offense. If any is taken, my apologies in advance.

Public transport.

Ah, everyone who has been on one have some experiences to share about it. Especially if you live to tell the stories of the Malaysia commuter train. And being a poor student with no vehicle stuck in the middle of nowhere, taking the commuter is the only way if you want to save money, albeit a bad choice.

First, you wait...

And wait...and wait...

For the trains that are never once on time. Or if you look at it from another perspective, it is on time. Why? There's this digital board at the platform with the arrival time of the train blinking at you. The time displayed on the digital board changes every few seconds, each time delaying the train to 10 or 15 minutes later. So in a way, the train always comes at the time shown. It is from firsthand experience I can say that it may be possible for a train that was scheduled to arrive at 2 to be delayed to sometime near 4. And nope, I'm not exaggerating. Just ask anyone who has been on the ktm.

What about schedules, you ask? Well, we do have train schedules, we just run it on Malaysian time. Which gives it an allowance of plus minus 1 hours to 2 hours uncertainty to the actual time.

And the train arrives...

Finally! Packed to the brim with people of all sizes. Now's the time you abandon every moral or ethics you ever have or learnt about in your lessons about queuing up. There should only be a first and foremost rule in your mind. SQUEEZE IN! Get in, find your corner and hold on with your life! Well, you may get lucky during the peak hours, when no effort is needed to get into the train. You just need to stand in the middle of a crowd and go with the flow. Don't worry, they'll bring you in. There was a time when I was literally swept off my feet by the crowd while trying to get in. Thank god that there was no space for me to fall as I was sandwiched between people, or else I would've been trampled to death.

p/s: I was in the ladies coach. So guys, never underestimate girl power! Grrrrrr!

Now that you're in...

Surrounded by sweaty bodies, all kinds of body odours and perfumes. You're standing next to a fat guy who is sweating profusely and because your hand is plastered on his, now your hand is slick with HIS sweat. You're afraid of breathing too deeply in case you get suffocated. There's no need for any handholds though, you can't fall even if you want to. The train wobbles a lil' from side to side as it moves, so you get to be part of a Mexican wave. Don't worry, it's to improve the companionship between fellow passengers. There'll also be the frequent bouts of electricity shortage where you'll be stuck in a dark carriage. With your sense of sight partially hindered, your other senses will be heightened. You can almost hear the wheezing of a person a few meters away and smell the fresh sweat leaking out of pores... then there's the heat of being cramped in a sea of bodies in a limited space...

Don't complain though, it's all for the bonding of fellow passengers. After all, what better way to bond than when you experience a harrowing experience together?

And just for future reference, remember to pee before you get into the train. It's not a pleasant feeling having something pressed on your full bladder. On second thought, if you DO pee on the train, at least you get breathing space as people will be too disgusted to get near you. You'll have to brave the humiliation though.

You reach your destination...

By focusing and listening hard to the crappy intercom, as you have absolutely no idea where you are when all you can see is a myriad of faces. Now, brace yourself as you'll need to part the crowds to get to the door. Just a heads up, passengers getting in will not wait for you to get out, so go for it! Like everything in life, your freedom is in your own hands. Huzzah!

For ladies...

Unless you're very very tall and can tower even over guys, I recommend the ladies' coach. There's nothing worse than having to spend the entire 2 hours journey with your nose shoved under some guy's armpit or directly in line to a mouth giving out disgusting odour. It's also not fun to have your ear breathed into. Not to mention there's that perv who will have a validate reason to feel you up. "It's so packed that I don't have anywhere else to put my hands!"

But then, being in the ladies' coach have its own cons. Like now, even as I'm furiously typing away on my phone, there's a lady who can't stop flicking her hair over my face. It's kinda hard to distinguish anything on the phone screen over the strands of hair.

KTM quotes

"I'm training to be a stuntman," says a guy who spent the entire 45 minutes journey standing on one leg with his hands on the train wall and his body inclined over a seated passenger at almost 45 degrees.

"hey, can you please hold this for me? I need to put my phone into my bag in case it falls and breaks."

"dude, there's no large enough gap for your phone to drop."

- This post was written by the author while stuck in a dark and hot carriage for TWO HOURS listening to the repeats of "Attention to all passengers, the train to Sg.Gadut will not be arriving on schedule. We can not guarantee when the train will reach as there is an electricity shortage at the Serdang KTM station." What can I say? Malaysia Boleh! -

Interpretation of the signboard:

- KILL ALL MEN

- DESTROY ALL COUPLES

- lesbians are encouraged

- single mothers are encouraged.

Fishtail Evonne

My Calling

2011-05-21T13:21:00.003+08:00

Though I'm really not sure if birds are happy with french fries or just good ol' bird seeds. Y'know, all the hype about processed food and cancer. Birds should know a lot about things, i think. After all, there's that phrase: "A little bird told me" :P

So, after hours and hours of frustration, nights upon nights of pondering and agonising about my future...

There's that bright light ahead!!!!! :D

I've found my calling. Finally. *relieved sigh*

Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing.....

Expedition and Wilderness Medicine ;P

The name in itself is pretty much self-explanatory, no? *dreamy sigh* A gem discovered when I was randomly reading medical journals out of boredom. (no updated stories on Wattpad + Physics examinations looming = a very verrrrrrrrrrrry bored person. ;P) *smug look* don't ever ever tell me that spending time online is wasting time. I beg to differ. xP

Yes, I understand that it's a relatively new field. Yes, I know it's different from what I'd wanted to do all along - cutting up people. (On a sidenote, maybe I've grown out of being sadistic after all! ;P) And yes, I know that facilities and courses associated are not in the Wild Wild East yet.
It's new in European countries and US, most probably meaning that it's known by a handful of people in Asia, and none at all in Malaysia! As usual, my faith in my home country is really reassuring. ;P

*pretending that the thought just occurred* Ohya, there's my dear mom and her objections too.

*predicting conversation*
"It's too dangerous, why don't you find a normal specialty and just settle down. How do you expect to start a family if you're always running about in the wilderness? And don't start on me that crap about not starting one or what will be will be.....yada yada yada"
*all the while shooting glares at my dad challenging him to state otherwise*

And my dad will sit me down some other time when we're alone and state the pros and cons and ask me to research more about it. See? That's why we love the Dads in this world. :D

(Sorry mom, but I love you too. ;P)

I know, my ramblings are going a bit off topic. xD That happens when a certain someone is excessively hyper induced by extreme happiness! Just exaggerating a lil' bit here. *winks*

Soooooooooo........did I mention that I'm insanely happy?

And, Let Us Mourn the Passing of Politeness and Cordiality

2011-05-08T18:16:00.003+08:00

(For lack of a better word. It's actually 礼让精神)

1/5/2011, Labor's Day. I was at a Buddhist ceremony, a chanting and praying session, won't go into the details though, as I don't know them too. :P What got me thinking was the attitude of the people, even when they were seemingly in the House of God.

At some point during the ceremony, we were given a choice to "bathe" the Buddha. Said to cleanse our sins, purify our souls or just as a blessing and whatnot. The long queue didn't amaze me, as it was quite a big hall, and fully packed. The thing that caught my attention was that the "queue" wasn't even a queue. Picture in your head, there's one highway lane, and the cars in Malaysia are stuck in a jam. Now, substitute the cars with people and voila! Get what I mean? Those people pushed and shoved each other, ignored old folks, cut the queue, made rude comments etc etc. The irony? It was a God worshipping session, where you were supposed to repent, for your sins.

You know, it's kinda sad, what our society has been reduced to. Makes me wonder. Was there really a time, where people were polite, kind, compassionate and sincere with each other? When everyone actually shared and give, and not just the minority? When chivalry wasn't six feet under? When girls wear actual clothing and guys actually wear guy clothes and not something androgynous? When people actually treat each other as equals without all those labels or material values? Ok, I think I'm rambling off topic, but you get the gist, don't you?

I feel totally mocked by the fact that the citizens of Japan are calm, collected and organised in the face of a major disaster, even lining up to receive supplies after the earthquake. Oh, just mentioning, their streets were without trash too. And to think I spent my entire morning one day in February volunteering to pick up trash by a waterfall which is a tourist attraction. We spent hours, filled more than 15 trash bags and we weren't even halfway through. Makes me feel so proud of my country and the people in it.

What has gone wrong? Our education? Bringing up? Environment?

And don't feed me the crap about Moral being a compulsory subject in school. We all know how much of an impact that really is.

給，同一片天空下的你們

2011-03-25T16:45:00.000+08:00

天氣很好，看着窗外的藍天白雲發呆，很舒服很寫意。想起你們，同樣的天空下同樣的城市或是不同的，在各自忙着過自己的生活吧？就這樣看着天空，好想好想，是我們幾個在一起，就這樣躺在草原上，享受着。感受着綠草的柔軟，微風的親撫，看着天上的白雲互相追逐嬉戲。無聊時，看一看故事書，玩一玩牌，睡個午覺。雖然有講不完的廢話，不過不說話就也不會尷尬。你說，多好？

就透過那一片玻璃看出去，小小的一個四方，透著好多種的變化。這一秒這片雲在這，下一秒就不見了。想起，生活是多變的。多少人，在生命裡只是個過客。不過很高興，至今還有你們在我生命裡，扎著營。十年，二十年，就算是滿頭銀絲了，請記得，我生命裡永遠留著的那一片大大片的空地，是留給你們的。

真的很想念中學時那多姿多彩的生活。因為有你們而多姿多彩的生活。都怪你們，讓我覺得現在的生活很沉悶無趣。因為有你們在的時候，每一分每一秒都會有歡笑聲。從小到大做過最瘋，最白痴，最無聊的事情，應該都有你們在吧？以後，還有更多更多三八的，有趣的事，有趣的人和地方，等著我們一起去發現。

人說，知音難尋。所以嘛，尋到了就要好好珍惜。感謝上天，我遇見了你們。一群有一樣的興趣，一樣的爛習慣，一樣廢，一樣三八。很相似的一群人，卻都各有自己特別的性格，習性，特點。就算不見面，默契卻依舊，感情也不變。

天，依然藍。朋友，身在他鄉，遇到挫折或是什麼不愉快時，請記得同樣的天空下，有人在想着你，在支持着你。要放棄時，記得你身後永遠有這批啦啦隊，為你打氣加油。記得，在追逐夢想中，你並不孤獨。

期待，下一次的相聚。

-

2011-02-10T00:44:00.001+08:00

You know, there are times when you think: life has too many restraints. You worry about the consequences of your words and actions, about your future. You think about all the what if's, and the what will be's. You want to follow your heart, but you're afraid you'll fall, hard.

Quote the movie, Three idiots.

"How can you be living today, when you’re so afraid of tomorrow?"

Well, yes, I understand that. But the problem is, I can't not worry for tomorrow. I can't leave anything and just live my life as I want it. Pretty much selfish of me if I chose to do so. But, how I want to. How I want to!

Right now I'm studying my A-levels, a JPA scholar, on my way to a career in Med. At times I can't help but wonder: Is this a life I want to lead?

Dreams and Reality. For those who gets to realise your dream in reality, count your blessings. It's not something everyone gets to do. So you best grasp it as it is and enjoy your ride to the max.

My dream? Was, and still is, to travel the world. Even when I was making my choice as to my future career prospect, I was grappling with these 2 choices:

Do I want to be a good doctor, to serve humanity, to sacrifice?

Or Do I want to travel the world and quench my desires?

To me, there's no middle ground. I desperately want to enjoy life to the max when I'm still young. It's a long road in med school, some 10+ years of education after high school. Contrary to some, I knew what I was walking into. I wasn't onto the unicorns and rainbows of the life of a doctor. I had the notion about what the harsh reality of a doctor's life is, but I still plunged into it, eyes open and all. And I know if I continue down this road, I'll have to devout my attention to it and leave my dreams behind. Yes, I know I'll strive to become a good doctor.

But do I really want that?

Do I want to become a doctor? If you ask me that, I'll give you a definite yes. And I can list out a string of reasons why I want to become a doctor. But in the end of the day, when it's just me, asking myself the same question, I'm not that sure.

Do I want to travel for my life? A month? A year? A few years? Yeaaaa! Definitely a "Hell Yes" there. But do I want to do it for the rest of my life? I don't know. I've only seen the pros to it, but not the cons. So how can I make a decision? You may say, take a leap of faith. But in the end, I can't do it, cause I'm too afraid of my future to take that leap. Buddhism saying: I can't Let go.

All my life, up until now, I've been trying to be like my brother. To follow his footsteps. Yea, I may kid myself that I'm not. But it's always like him, or better than him. Much of my thoughts and views on life and things in general are influenced by him. Yes, I wanted to be a doctor before he even wanted to. But I can't help thinking that following up with the decision, was I subconsciously following his footsteps? I'm not blaming anyone for the choices I've made though. Just generally reflecting, and trying to come to terms with myself.

Funny, how I always want to be someone else. I always try to be those that I admire: some of my friends, my family, or distinguished personas. And I can't help losing myself a little day by day.

What happened to the saying that I stand by?

"Always be yourself. Cause life is too short to be anybody else."

I've tried to be somebody else for god knows how long. But from now on, I'll try to be myself.

And the first step is to find myself, and figure out what I really want.

Decisions, Doubts and Dilemmas - pt 3

2010-10-30T04:05:00.002+08:00

No man is an island.

Clichéd as this phrase may sound, the truth of it can’t be denied. No one can function without fellow human beings. That’s why we need company.

Family. Friends. Acquaintances. Colleagues. Neighbours.

The One. The “I do”, the partner of your life.

Maybe this dilemma sounds shallow to you. Maybe it sounds insignificant, or even ridiculous.

My housemates presented the question:

Studying to be a doctor, you’re graduating(those under JPA scholarship) when you’re approximately 26 years old. After that is 2 years of housemanship, where you spend most of your 24 hours in the hospital. If you want to pursue a specialist or surgical degree and after that a sub-specialist, you’ll end up around 37 years old.

For males? Single and available with money. Attractive, no?

For females? Oops!

Will you have time to marry and have kids? Will you be a good wife and mother? Will your spouse understand your life? Are you willing to sacrifice hours for work, or to sacrifice work for family?

Our solution: Buy a big house for the single old ladies in the medical field and live together. xD

--------------------

Choosing this path, I’ve had my moments of doubt. I’ve pondered on this choice of mine far too frequent, I’ve asked questions unanswered and I’m still unsure whether I've made the correct decision.

But walking on, I realised that I’ve never regretted wanting to be a doctor.

And maybe this will make all the difference.

Decisions, Doubts and Dilemmas - pt 2

2010-10-30T03:22:00.002+08:00

Family. Parents. Siblings.

They raised you. They grew up with you. They were there for you, from the time you learned how to talk, to the time you outgrew your first set of teeth, moving on to when you graduated primary school and then completed your secondary education, until now.

Always being there for you. Through thick and thin, ups and downs.

Which brings me to the 2^nd situation I’ve been left by my friend to ponder with:

There’s an accident and you’re on the spot. You find out that your mom is in the car(just an example!!!), badly wounded. So badly that you know that there is no hope to save her. And there’s another person in the car, a stranger, badly wounded too but can be saved if prompt action is taken.

Who will you try to save?

Maybe the correct choice to make is to save the one who has a chance of survival, but will you do it?

Truth be told, I’ll try to save the one who’s my family. Even if I know there’s no hope of saving, I’ll still try. Even if there’s no breathe left inside the person, I’ll still try to resuscitate. Even if she’s dead, I’ll hug the body and sob with grief, rather than focus on saving the other person.

Or as my friend joked

“Even if she is decapitated, I’ll be preoccupied in finding her head or any missing part of her body, than saving the other person.”

Or is it a joke?

In this kind of situations, is it logical, to be saving the one beside while your loved one is dying or dead without you even attempting to do anything? If it is so, isn’t it cruel, to be so logical?

A doctor, or a daughter?

Decisions, Doubts and Dilemmas - pt 1

2010-10-30T02:32:00.006+08:00

This blog post is inspired by a conversation with a friend, House season 6 episode 3 and this Note
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“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

-Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

And that has made all the difference, hasn’t it?

The choice to study my ass off for years and then to come out, still ignorant as hell. The choice to sacrifice hours of personal life or time with my family. The choice of countless sleepless nights and trading my sanity in for someone else’s.

The choice of studying medicine, of the pursuit to be a doctor.

The choice to a life of dilemmas.

My brother once presented me with a situation:

Adolf Hitler is being admitted to the hospital due to an unknown disease a few weeks after the attack on Austria and you’re the attending doctor then, in charge of saving his life. What is your call?

What can you do? What should you do?

Or, what WILL you do?

Do your work as a doctor, uphold your oath and save Hitler. After that, go back to your work everyday as if nothing happened. As if the niggling conscience at the back of your mind isn’t there, as if the guilt isn’t there, as if you haven’t leave the lives of thousands to be torn apart.

OR

Fake a misdiagnosis and murder him, breaking your oath and saving all those lives. But then live everyday knowing that you’ve intentionally killed someone, and let the guilt eat you up, the decision dragging you down from day to day, affecting your work performances and your life.

What is your call?

My answer then was to put him into a coma. Simple, right? The gray area, not killing him, but not letting him kill anyone else either for the matter.

But isn’t that just running away from the situation? Who am I to say that putting a person into a coma intentionally is not as bad as condemning the person to death? Or maybe it is worse, as you rob him of the dignity he might otherwise have gained by death?

Morals. Principles. The courage to carry out your decision. And a strong mind and heart to endure the self torture that are to come for years hence. The “what if’s”.

One, or millions?

A doctor, or a human being?

But who are you to decide what’s right and what’s wrong?

Extract: have a little faith - Mitch Albom

2010-10-22T10:56:00.003+08:00

The prayer - and the word "one" - were integral to the Reb's beliefs. One, as in the singular god. One, as in the God's creation, Adam.

"Ask yourself, 'Why did the God create but one man?'" the Reb said, wagging a finger. "Why, if he meant for there to be faiths bickering with each other, didn't he create that from the start? He created trees, right? Not one tree, countless trees. Why not the same with man?"

"Because we are all from that one man - and all from that one God. That's the message."

Then, why, I asked, is the world so fractured?

"Well, you can look at it this way. Would you want the world to look all alike? No. The genius of life is its variety."

"Even in our own faith, we have questions and answers, interpretations, debates. In Christianity, in Catholicism, in other faiths, the same thing - debates, interpretations. That is the beauty. It's like being a musician. If you found the note, and you kept hitting that note all the time, you will go nuts. It's the blending of the different notes that makes the music."

The music of what?

"Of believing in something bigger than yourself."

But what if someone from another faith won't recognize yours? Or wants you dead for it?

"That is not faith. That is hate." He sighed. "And if you ask me, God sits up there and cry when that happens."

The Art of Achievement - Wilfred A. Peterson

2010-09-26T12:42:00.001+08:00

You hold in your hand the camel's hair brush of a painter of Life. You stand before the vast white canvas of Time. The paints are your thoughts, emotions and acts.

You select the colors of your thoughts; drab or bright, weak or strong, good or bad.

You select the colors of your emotions; discordant or harmonious, harsh or quiet, weak or strong.

You select the colors of your acts: cold or warm, fearful or daring, small or big.

Through the power of your creative imagination you catch a vision...

you dream a dream.

You visualize yourself as the person you want to be.

You see yourself as a triumphant personality striding toward far horizons of constructive accomplishment.

You see yourself as a master servant of the race, ministering to human needs, radiating happiness.

You see yourself as a builder, making a creative contribution to the evolution of modern civilization.

You strive to make the ideal in your mind become a reality on the canvas of Time.

You select and mix the positive colors of heart, mind and spirit into the qualities of effective living: patience, determination, endurance, self- discipline, work, love and faith.

Each moment of your life is a brush stroke in the painting of your growing career.

There are the bold, sweeping strokes of one increasing, dynamic purpose.

There are the lights and shadows that make your life deep and strong.

There are the little touches that add the stamp of character and worth.

The art of achievement is the art of making life - your life - a masterpiece.

Words. Heavy, aren't they?

2010-08-06T12:11:00.001+08:00

I know, I’m usually a lagger when it comes to blogging. I only blog when I’m “in the mood”. So, surprise, surprise, I’m blogging without an almost 5-month lag-phase between my posts this time.

X). Main reason being that I’m stuck in the airport waiting for my flight that’s 3 hours from now, with nothing to do. Thus, this blog post.

Anyways, newsflash on my recent mood.

I was seriously PISSED yesterday.

Not as in I-want-to-hijack-a-plane-and-crash-into-Najib’s-house kinda pissed. Nope, I’m way past that phase. I wanted to do that when I didn’t get JPA on the 1st batch.

It’s the kinda pissed where…

I-WANNA-TUG-THE-RUMOUR-MONGER-BY-THE-COLLAR-AND-GIVE-HER-A-GOOD-SHAKE-AND-SQUISH-HER-FACE-INTO-PULP-AND-THEN-GIVE-HER-A-GOOD-KICK-IN-THE-ASS-AND-WASH-HER-MOUTH-WITH-DETERGENT

If there’s anything left of her mouth after I’m done with her face, that is.

I know, I’m not a violent person. Nada, not at all. Nope.

Peace.

Pardon my french, but dammit, I really really… I repeat, REALLY hate it when people spread rumours about you when they know absolutely NOTHING about the truth. And I don’t know the person who spread the rumour. So if I don’t know her, it means that she does not know me in person too, right? Which brings me to my next point, that she knows NOTHING about my personality, right?

Then who is she to judge, huh?

Chasing after that guy, moi?

What’s this? 10th century, China? When a girl can’t even be within 10 feet radius of a guy? Or will I be decapitated for talking to a guy friend?

Where are you from, dahling? Mars?

FYI, KTT is so damn tiny that you can’t even spend a day without meeting the same people again and again, especially when you’re in the same circle of friends.

GAH.

Fed up?

I am.

Well, learn to think before you say anything. Maybe it’s just some light-hearted matter to you, but people may get hurt as the consequence of your words. You’ll never know, but sometimes just a simple sentence may destroy someone’s reputation, or friendship between people. And what’s it to you? You don’t benefit from it, at the end of the day, but you may wreck someone’s life, literally.

“sometimes we do forget to behave, and we regret what we say, cause words are weapons if we don’t choose them carefully”

True, eh?

Why can’t we just try to be nice? The world can be so beautiful for everybody without all these malice, ya know?

It hurts, being spoken as if I’m some cheap slut.

Try walking a mile in the person’s shoes before speaking next time.

And no offense to anyone, I’m simply amused by the irony. The fact that the person chose to sin after a session of God worship.

An advice, my friend. Religion is about life, it’s in how you conduct yourself.

Ps/ maybe I should heed my own advice, eh? I don’t feel quite forgiving right now. =S XD

Fishtail yu

Please, I would rather have it warm (=

2010-07-24T21:47:00.003+08:00

“I only hang out with cool friends”

I heard a girl saying this when we were doing our self-intro during orientation week, and this phrase has gotten itself stuck into my mind ever since then.

Cool, huh?

What’s the definition of cool, may I ask? Having a pretty face and a nice body and fab clothes where you can strut about in? Or having the ability to look down your nose at other people who are not cool enough for you and laugh at them? Or, being rich enough?

Talk about shallowness.

Moi? I prefer warm ones.

Friends, I mean.

You know, that kind of friends who always makes you laugh by being an idiot, not caring about putting up appearances or whatever? The one who pulls a stupid face during photo shots instead of flashing that perfect smile, acting as if a piece of hair out of place in her head will kill her? The kind of friend, who gives you a warm glow of happiness as you think about the times you’ve had together, who brings a huge smile to your face when they suddenly send a random sms to you?

Boy, do I miss the time I laughed until my jaws and stomach ached with my friends.

Warm warm friends. X)

Friends who engulf you in a bear hug, friends who stay up late chatting to you when you are all hyped up, friends who will never judge you for who you are, who doesn’t care whether you are “cool”, or not.

Friends, who won’t let you do crazy things…… alone.

Cause you know what? That’s what friends are for! (=

So, forget the ice. I’d rather have a dose of friendship which warms up my day.

Don't you? ;)

-

2010-05-08T00:15:00.007+08:00

淡了

那一丝线，终究断了
请注意，我没说终于
我不会说，终于。

不如你所料，我并没有开心
那么，伤心？
泪水，早已洒在那一段的曾经

笑不出，却也哭不来
留下的只有淡淡的，淡淡的
惆怅

我明白，这段日子走来，是我负你更多
一摞摞的抱歉，我想你也听得烦了
不过若你有机会读到我的文字
请听我再说一次，好吗？

对不起，也谢谢你

路，并不是尽了
只是心，早在第一个交叉点分离

再见吗？
不说了

你一向都不说再见
只会悄悄的离去，不是吗？
就算再见，也只是擦肩而过吧？

祝福你

Rejuvenate, Reflect and Rediscover

2009-10-12T11:32:00.007+08:00

Just a warning. You may find this post abrupt or unintelligible.

But if you are interested, try to decipher the true meaning of all the craze talk.

But again, please don't ask me what I'm talking about. Figure it out yourself, or live with not knowing it.

And please don't pester me about my problems. Otherwise, goodbye.

------------------------

Some of you may notice that I'd been all gloom and doom lately.

No, I've been through nothing life-changing. No, no one pissed me off (apart from that one trivial thing). No, I've been through nothing heart-wrenching. No. The main culprit of my depression was me, and myself alone.

Ever tried coupling up your superiority complex and inferiority complex? Try adding some self-mock, self-disgust and a teeny bit of sarcasm into the mixture. You'll get an extremely screwed up person.

So, no. I have not lost faith in humanity. I'd just lost faith in myself.

Then, all wrapped up in the aura of my negativity, I started seeking refuge in all my books. I wolfed down quite a number of books for the past few days, and even pulled down some stacks of old old Reader's Digest.

-------------------------------------

"There is always time for wisdom" --- Untamed, PC and Kristin Cast.

-------------------------------------

So, last night. My apologies to those who were trying to contact me. I took a night off --- turned off the computer and my cell phone. Than I got into my favourite PJs, dragged my old soft toys out from the corner of the cupboard and piled them up with all my pillow and blankets. This may seem no great feat to you, but for your information, I have altogether 9 pillows (big and small) and 3 blankets crammed on a single bed.

I admit, I do have this obsession about pillows.

Then I filled my hot water bottle up and plopped down onto my bed, soft toys, pillows and all. Incredibly, I felt childlike. Content and very very happy. So, with a really huge and foolish grin on my face, I started thinking about my life.

Try stuffing a hot water bottle into your pillow. It will feel WARM and CUDDLY at the same time.

My life, my problems, my priorities, my goals. My past, my present, and my future. Myself. From my mistakes, to the things I cling on to, and the people I love and care about. About who I am, who I want to be. The things I need to achieve, the things I want to do.

And a lot more, but I don't want to bore you to death.

A note. Writing helps you to stay focused when you think, exercising --- some sit-ups, some stretching, even some yoga stances --- helps you to think.

------------------------------------

"There are no regrets in life, just lessons" --- Jennifer Aniston

"If we were born knowing everything, what would we do with all this time on Earth?" --- Nelly in Fashion Rocks.

------------------------------------

A bed of roses isn't as pleasant as you think it to be. Roses have thorns. But then, though you get pricked occasionally, it is still a beautiful bed of roses.

Contradictions, more contradictions. It's our contradictions that shapes us.

For those who are tired of listening to Lady Gaga or The Pussycat Dolls, try a change of tastes.

Jason Mraz, Colbie Caillat, or some Taylor Swift.

Maybe even try John Lennon? (a personal favourite of my friend)

Define simple, plain and meaningful.

----------------------------------

All of us are the same, we are all unique in our own way.

Your imperfections perfects you.

Just remember, you cry when you are overcome with gladness and happiness.

----------------------------------

My most sincere thanks to all my friends out there.

TY, WW, SH... thanks for caring. Sorry if I'd been ignoring you guys for some time.

Grace, thanks for the comments and the awesome blog posts.

Thanks to dingdong, talking to you helped. (though you may not know why, and though you may want me to remove this part about you later on = D)

Thanks to Hang, talking to you helped, too. (again, you may not know why)

Just say that I feel like a normal person when I talk to you guys.

And the others whom I've not mention specifically, thanks too. I appreciate all your help and concern.

*hugs and smiles*

---------------------------------

fishtail

Life

2009-10-10T01:48:00.005+08:00

This life itself is just a masked ball, no?

Life, a stage.

A stage where we act, where we smile and bow and simper, just to win applause from the audience to fulfill the attention seeking desire in ourselves. At the same time, the other side of us remains detached, disinterested, disapproving of what the other is doing but radiating total unconcern. Smirking and sneering in the corner, he looks on, with the proud triumph of seeing everything, but not.

All human, all of us, are prone to the weaknesses in ourselves. Frail, weak, we are. While we yearn to change, we are held back. Doubt, taints our view. We are held back, by our vanity, our thirst for acceptance, and the fear of detection. We are afraid of embracing change, because changing may bring opinions, may alter views, may bring comments, sneers, mocks. In short, we are afraid of being an outlaw among those who are so-called closest to us, by being our true self.

We are, indeed, too fragile to withstand hurt.

Truth, the image of our true selves, is never flattering. The desires, the ambitions, the sins and all the darkness inside us will then reveal their true colours, stripped of its layers, unleashing a monster which is in reality, humanity itself. And woe to those who unmask, as banished they will be, for being evil ----- by those, who are in truth as evil at core, but just without the courage to admit it to themselves, or hides it more carefully and effectively within. Or maybe, the evil is kept lurking in the shadows, like a dog on leash. But remember, leash or no leash, the dog still bites. And, well, it is still there, waiting for the exact opportunity to strike out when you are most vulnerable; or waiting for the slight movement that breaks the thin ice, the extremely thin layer of ice that veils it from all.

Yes, it exists. There is no someone who is a pure saint in this world. In this case, even the usage of the world "saint" has a hint of irony to itself. I repeat, the is no someone, who is a pure saint in this world. Not if you get into his mind, or his heart and knows the truth. The reality is, they just subdue their emotions and desires better than anyone else. And yea, the surface, the view, is again all that matters. He who acts the best, as always, wins the Oscar, and gets the recognition. It has so been the norm of this world, it is now the norm of this world, and so it will continue to be, the norm of this world.

-------------------------

fishtail

status quos and stereotypes?

2009-10-07T00:05:00.001+08:00

---stick to the status quo---

I believe all the HSM fans out there should be quite familiar with this song, which was played after the high school kids knew about the callbacks [of troy and gabriella] and a few of them started confessing [about their secret passions]. As you see, their so-called friends acted all oh-so-caring and pulled some oh-i'm-so-supportive stunts... it was all "speak your mind and you'll be heard" before they confess but after that? ---> "NOT ANOTHER SOUND~" (Ooops ><)

(*cite lyrics)

"no no no NO! stick to the scope you know~ It is better by far, to keep things as they are, don't mess with the flow, no NO. STICK TO THE STATUS QUO~"

I think this song, like many other HSM songs, portrays quite accurately how things are. In truth, we are being labelled with a "name", by our peers, teachers and all the people out there. Typical stereotyping. Yea, jocks must stick to sports, nerds should stay buried in books... oooh, that guy is gay [and should stay gay]~ oooh, you heard about that flirt? well, she....*whispers, sneers + snickers*

stereotyping, stereotyping, and more stereotyping.

well, as if stereotyping itself is not enough, we have to be stereotyped and then sorted into different groups, stuck into different scopes, the so-called status quo. Say, law of segregation and law of independent assortments? maybe one day we'll be given a book of ethics with all these idiotic rules and regulations...

---book of ethics for nerds---

rule 1: thou shalt wear glasses... thick, black colour frames, 1970-styled. Other types are strictly prohibited

rule 2: thou shalt stick a book to your nose. Elephant glue is the best option, but during hard times, or when you run out of stock, UHU is permitted too.

rule 3: try to read a book as you walk and try your best to slam into anything by the road. Lamp posts, people, walls~ the harder the better. Fainting is recommended. It shows a lack of attention to anything except your books.

so it goes on....

For example, say our class --- 5s1. Criticisms after criticisms, scoldings and more scoldings. (I have no doubt that if spankings and wallopings are allowed, most teachers teaching our class will definitely do that, gladly, you may say) Our class reputation has always been bad, and teachers tend to be ill-disposed towards our class...

"I've HEARD that this year's 5s1 is the worst of all times. Now I see that all THE THINGS THEY SAY are indeed true"

honestly, lots of teachers said that to us this year. I admit, there are indeed some attitude problems in our class. But on the other hand, they were prejudiced, forming an opinion of us beforehand based on all those 'facts' they hear about all the time. Well, it's hard to do away prejudice, just like on the contrary, it's comparatively very easy to wreck a good opinion. Roman isn't built in a day, they say. But believe me, Roman can very well be destroyed in one day. You may spend decades and decades building up your reputation, but one false step, one wrong move.... "tadaa~" you're doomed. And just remember, a tarnished reputation is a tarnished reputation. No matter how vigorously you scrub and rub, that black spot [real or imaginary] will be stuck there forever......

Well, what's with the theory that s1ers

1) should complete all their work, should study welllll~ ahead, should be attentive in class...

2) should set a good example, should be the best...

3) are arrogant jerks who look down on those who are not good enough academically...

4) are bookworms who read-study-read AND study all day long and no, we don't like PJ lessons, we prefer encyclopedia reading instead....

etc. etc. the list goes on and on...

Just remember that this is just an example... complaining is not my main point... it's just a subtopic. *winks*

For once, why can't they rip of those labels and treat us like normal persons. Hey, stop that branding and labelling~ The last time I checked, I'm a normal teenager, not a can of pork meat for sale on the supermarket shelf. I do not need a label, thank you.

And then, even exam papers are marked differently, according to your class. The answer may be accepted in s10, but not in s1 (this is not a discrimination, just an example....). Why? "Your understanding should be better, therefore your presentation skills should be better". In another case, your essay marks have to be deducted. Why? "Your marks are higher than the s1ers, and it is UNIVERSALLY ACKNOWLEDGED that s1ers should do better in exams"

Deeply rooted notions, and so here we are, once again, branded.

Anyone, pork meat?

note: i noticed that i kinda mixed up "stereotyping" and "sticking to the status quo" along the way. But I was halfway through and I would have to rewrite it if i wanted to change it. So, sorry about that....

fishtail yu

Oops, of teeth and cavities~

2009-10-05T01:01:00.000+08:00

Had an appointment with the dentist today, my 1st appointment, mind you. I've only been to the dentist's in school for so long in my life. Anyway, I had a toothache on thursday, and I thought the best thing will be to consult a dentist.

So, you may wonder, what was the visit like?

wrecked nerves, butterflies in my tummy, and a case of crybaby being dragged out of the car?

and then I heard screams and I was so scared until I wet my trousers?

and then the dentist came towards me with his huge, sharp dental explorer and I screamed and had to be tied on a chair to prevent me from struggling and running away?

not to mention that I fainted then?

honestly, this is over exaggeration even for something made up.

Anyway, a cavity isn't something fun to have. Cavities, or dental caries, commonly known as tooth decay are mainly caused by caries-causing bacterias. Tooth decay happens when you eat too mush sweet food and don't brush your teeth often, or don't know the correct way of brushing your teeth.

case of bad tooth-brushing which results in cavities

I had my cavities filled up. It was kinda like patching up a hole with cement, only in this case, it was with some silvery stuff called Amalgam. I looked it up in wikipedia. Here's some

"Amalgam has been the restorative method of choice for many years due to its low cost, ease of application, strength, durability, and bacteriostatic effects. Factors that have led to recent decline in use are a lingering concern about detrimental health effects, aesthetics, and environmental pollution. The aesthetic issue is due to the fact that the metallic color does not blend very well with the natural tooth color. This is especially a concern when used on front teeth, but it can be addressed using alternative dental materials. The environmental concerns are regarding mercury emissions during preparation and from waste amalgam upon cremation of deceased individuals.

Currently, dental amalgams are composed of 43% to 54% mercury and the remaining powder is made up of mainly silver (~20-35%)^[2] and some tin, copper (~10%), and zinc (~2%)."

So i concluded that

1) Wow, I have silver in my mouth! xD

2) There may be detrimental health effects. ><

3) I'm gonna pollute the environment when I'm dead. =.=

Hey! mind your teeth~

Well, I had to open my mouth BIG AND WIDE for about half an hour (or more?) and that isn't a pleasant sensation. I had a dizzy spell and extremely sore jaws after that. (well, try gaping for half an hour, then you'll know what I' saying) Okay, I admit, maybe the dizzy spell was because I was deprived of my afternoon sleep time, but still....

Anyway, to all the kiddos out there~ take care of your teeth. Going to the dentist's ain't that scary, but it ain't fun either. Getting your pearly whites patched up with a shade of silver ain't that pretty too...

And you wouldn't want to pollute the environment, would ya?

fishtail yu

Prelude

2009-10-03T23:45:00.000+08:00

Ooooh~ 1st post here....hmm, I'm quite excited.

Or maybe the real truth will be that I'm in high spirits.

(Did I just say "real truth"? Gah, what's happening to my English nowadays?)

anyway...let' s start the little game of intro, or do whatever people do when they create a new blog. Um, what do they do, then?

*puzzles*

......

*gives up*

Whatever. Guess I'll just write what I want to. *shrugs*

So...firstly

To those who are interested and followed me from my old blog to this new one, I would like to say, thanks. I appreciate that, a lot.

To those who are here for the first time, welcome. I hope you like what you read. Feel free to leave a comment, even if it's just a greeting, or anything. I'll like that. ^^

Anyway, I'm fishtail. Not literally, of course.

hmm, me? I'm kinda one of those "lost souls" who are still trying to find themselves, to know who they are, and trying to figure out this life as they tread on the path of self-discovery. And then, I'm just another everyday teen, matured at times, childish next; maybe rash, but learning as i go. A teen, with all the whims and fancies of a normal teenager, trying to do what I think is right, but maybe messing up things. But then, please forgive me if I mess up anything. I'll learn and improve, and be a better person. =]

that's all for the day, methinks. anyway, thanks for dropping by. ^^

- fishtail yu -