Rejuvenate, Reflect and Rediscover

Just a warning. You may find this post abrupt or unintelligible.

But if you are interested, try to decipher the true meaning of all the craze talk.

But again, please don't ask me what I'm talking about. Figure it out yourself, or live with not knowing it.

And please don't pester me about my problems. Otherwise, goodbye.

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Some of you may notice that I'd been all gloom and doom lately.

No, I've been through nothing life-changing. No, no one pissed me off (apart from that one trivial thing). No, I've been through nothing heart-wrenching. No. The main culprit of my depression was me, and myself alone.

Ever tried coupling up your superiority complex and inferiority complex? Try adding some self-mock, self-disgust and a teeny bit of sarcasm into the mixture. You'll get an extremely screwed up person.

So, no. I have not lost faith in humanity. I'd just lost faith in myself.

Then, all wrapped up in the aura of my negativity, I started seeking refuge in all my books. I wolfed down quite a number of books for the past few days, and even pulled down some stacks of old old Reader's Digest.

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"There is always time for wisdom" --- Untamed, PC and Kristin Cast.

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So, last night. My apologies to those who were trying to contact me. I took a night off --- turned off the computer and my cell phone. Than I got into my favourite PJs, dragged my old soft toys out from the corner of the cupboard and piled them up with all my pillow and blankets. This may seem no great feat to you, but for your information, I have altogether 9 pillows (big and small) and 3 blankets crammed on a single bed.

I admit, I do have this obsession about pillows.

Then I filled my hot water bottle up and plopped down onto my bed, soft toys, pillows and all. Incredibly, I felt childlike. Content and very very happy. So, with a really huge and foolish grin on my face, I started thinking about my life.

Try stuffing a hot water bottle into your pillow. It will feel WARM and CUDDLY at the same time.

My life, my problems, my priorities, my goals. My past, my present, and my future. Myself. From my mistakes, to the things I cling on to, and the people I love and care about. About who I am, who I want to be. The things I need to achieve, the things I want to do.

And a lot more, but I don't want to bore you to death.

A note. Writing helps you to stay focused when you think, exercising --- some sit-ups, some stretching, even some yoga stances --- helps you to think.

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"There are no regrets in life, just lessons" --- Jennifer Aniston

"If we were born knowing everything, what would we do with all this time on Earth?" --- Nelly in Fashion Rocks.

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A bed of roses isn't as pleasant as you think it to be. Roses have thorns. But then, though you get pricked occasionally, it is still a beautiful bed of roses.

Contradictions, more contradictions. It's our contradictions that shapes us.

For those who are tired of listening to Lady Gaga or The Pussycat Dolls, try a change of tastes.

Jason Mraz, Colbie Caillat, or some Taylor Swift.

Maybe even try John Lennon? (a personal favourite of my friend)

Define simple, plain and meaningful.

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All of us are the same, we are all unique in our own way.

Your imperfections perfects you.

Just remember, you cry when you are overcome with gladness and happiness.

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My most sincere thanks to all my friends out there.

TY, WW, SH... thanks for caring. Sorry if I'd been ignoring you guys for some time.

Grace, thanks for the comments and the awesome blog posts.

Thanks to dingdong, talking to you helped. (though you may not know why, and though you may want me to remove this part about you later on = D)

Thanks to Hang, talking to you helped, too. (again, you may not know why)

Just say that I feel like a normal person when I talk to you guys.

And the others whom I've not mention specifically, thanks too. I appreciate all your help and concern.

*hugs and smiles*

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fishtail

Life

This life itself is just a masked ball, no?

Life, a stage.

A stage where we act, where we smile and bow and simper, just to win applause from the audience to fulfill the attention seeking desire in ourselves. At the same time, the other side of us remains detached, disinterested, disapproving of what the other is doing but radiating total unconcern. Smirking and sneering in the corner, he looks on, with the proud triumph of seeing everything, but not.

All human, all of us, are prone to the weaknesses in ourselves. Frail, weak, we are. While we yearn to change, we are held back. Doubt, taints our view. We are held back, by our vanity, our thirst for acceptance, and the fear of detection. We are afraid of embracing change, because changing may bring opinions, may alter views, may bring comments, sneers, mocks. In short, we are afraid of being an outlaw among those who are so-called closest to us, by being our true self.

We are, indeed, too fragile to withstand hurt.

Truth, the image of our true selves, is never flattering. The desires, the ambitions, the sins and all the darkness inside us will then reveal their true colours, stripped of its layers, unleashing a monster which is in reality, humanity itself. And woe to those who unmask, as banished they will be, for being evil ----- by those, who are in truth as evil at core, but just without the courage to admit it to themselves, or hides it more carefully and effectively within. Or maybe, the evil is kept lurking in the shadows, like a dog on leash. But remember, leash or no leash, the dog still bites. And, well, it is still there, waiting for the exact opportunity to strike out when you are most vulnerable; or waiting for the slight movement that breaks the thin ice, the extremely thin layer of ice that veils it from all.

Yes, it exists. There is no someone who is a pure saint in this world. In this case, even the usage of the world "saint" has a hint of irony to itself. I repeat, the is no someone, who is a pure saint in this world. Not if you get into his mind, or his heart and knows the truth. The reality is, they just subdue their emotions and desires better than anyone else. And yea, the surface, the view, is again all that matters. He who acts the best, as always, wins the Oscar, and gets the recognition. It has so been the norm of this world, it is now the norm of this world, and so it will continue to be, the norm of this world.

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fishtail

status quos and stereotypes?

---stick to the status quo---

I believe all the HSM fans out there should be quite familiar with this song, which was played after the high school kids knew about the callbacks [of troy and gabriella] and a few of them started confessing [about their secret passions]. As you see, their so-called friends acted all oh-so-caring and pulled some oh-i'm-so-supportive stunts... it was all "speak your mind and you'll be heard" before they confess but after that? ---> "NOT ANOTHER SOUND~" (Ooops ><)

(*cite lyrics)

"no no no NO! stick to the scope you know~ It is better by far, to keep things as they are, don't mess with the flow, no NO. STICK TO THE STATUS QUO~"

I think this song, like many other HSM songs, portrays quite accurately how things are. In truth, we are being labelled with a "name", by our peers, teachers and all the people out there. Typical stereotyping. Yea, jocks must stick to sports, nerds should stay buried in books... oooh, that guy is gay [and should stay gay]~ oooh, you heard about that flirt? well, she....*whispers, sneers + snickers*

stereotyping, stereotyping, and more stereotyping.

well, as if stereotyping itself is not enough, we have to be stereotyped and then sorted into different groups, stuck into different scopes, the so-called status quo. Say, law of segregation and law of independent assortments? maybe one day we'll be given a book of ethics with all these idiotic rules and regulations...

---book of ethics for nerds---

rule 1: thou shalt wear glasses... thick, black colour frames, 1970-styled. Other types are strictly prohibited

rule 2: thou shalt stick a book to your nose. Elephant glue is the best option, but during hard times, or when you run out of stock, UHU is permitted too.

rule 3: try to read a book as you walk and try your best to slam into anything by the road. Lamp posts, people, walls~ the harder the better. Fainting is recommended. It shows a lack of attention to anything except your books.

so it goes on....

For example, say our class --- 5s1. Criticisms after criticisms, scoldings and more scoldings. (I have no doubt that if spankings and wallopings are allowed, most teachers teaching our class will definitely do that, gladly, you may say) Our class reputation has always been bad, and teachers tend to be ill-disposed towards our class...

"I've HEARD that this year's 5s1 is the worst of all times. Now I see that all THE THINGS THEY SAY are indeed true"

honestly, lots of teachers said that to us this year. I admit, there are indeed some attitude problems in our class. But on the other hand, they were prejudiced, forming an opinion of us beforehand based on all those 'facts' they hear about all the time. Well, it's hard to do away prejudice, just like on the contrary, it's comparatively very easy to wreck a good opinion. Roman isn't built in a day, they say. But believe me, Roman can very well be destroyed in one day. You may spend decades and decades building up your reputation, but one false step, one wrong move.... "tadaa~" you're doomed. And just remember, a tarnished reputation is a tarnished reputation. No matter how vigorously you scrub and rub, that black spot [real or imaginary] will be stuck there forever......

Well, what's with the theory that s1ers

1) should complete all their work, should study welllll~ ahead, should be attentive in class...

2) should set a good example, should be the best...

3) are arrogant jerks who look down on those who are not good enough academically...

4) are bookworms who read-study-read AND study all day long and no, we don't like PJ lessons, we prefer encyclopedia reading instead....

etc. etc. the list goes on and on...

Just remember that this is just an example... complaining is not my main point... it's just a subtopic. *winks*

For once, why can't they rip of those labels and treat us like normal persons. Hey, stop that branding and labelling~ The last time I checked, I'm a normal teenager, not a can of pork meat for sale on the supermarket shelf. I do not need a label, thank you.

And then, even exam papers are marked differently, according to your class. The answer may be accepted in s10, but not in s1 (this is not a discrimination, just an example....). Why? "Your understanding should be better, therefore your presentation skills should be better". In another case, your essay marks have to be deducted. Why? "Your marks are higher than the s1ers, and it is UNIVERSALLY ACKNOWLEDGED that s1ers should do better in exams"

Deeply rooted notions, and so here we are, once again, branded.

Anyone, pork meat?

note: i noticed that i kinda mixed up "stereotyping" and "sticking to the status quo" along the way. But I was halfway through and I would have to rewrite it if i wanted to change it. So, sorry about that....

fishtail yu

Oops, of teeth and cavities~

Had an appointment with the dentist today, my 1st appointment, mind you. I've only been to the dentist's in school for so long in my life. Anyway, I had a toothache on thursday, and I thought the best thing will be to consult a dentist.

So, you may wonder, what was the visit like?

wrecked nerves, butterflies in my tummy, and a case of crybaby being dragged out of the car?

and then I heard screams and I was so scared until I wet my trousers?

and then the dentist came towards me with his huge, sharp dental explorer and I screamed and had to be tied on a chair to prevent me from struggling and running away?

not to mention that I fainted then?

honestly, this is over exaggeration even for something made up.

Anyway, a cavity isn't something fun to have. Cavities, or dental caries, commonly known as tooth decay are mainly caused by caries-causing bacterias. Tooth decay happens when you eat too mush sweet food and don't brush your teeth often, or don't know the correct way of brushing your teeth.

case of bad tooth-brushing which results in cavities

I had my cavities filled up. It was kinda like patching up a hole with cement, only in this case, it was with some silvery stuff called Amalgam. I looked it up in wikipedia. Here's some

"Amalgam has been the restorative method of choice for many years due to its low cost, ease of application, strength, durability, and bacteriostatic effects. Factors that have led to recent decline in use are a lingering concern about detrimental health effects, aesthetics, and environmental pollution. The aesthetic issue is due to the fact that the metallic color does not blend very well with the natural tooth color. This is especially a concern when used on front teeth, but it can be addressed using alternative dental materials. The environmental concerns are regarding mercury emissions during preparation and from waste amalgam upon cremation of deceased individuals.

Currently, dental amalgams are composed of 43% to 54% mercury and the remaining powder is made up of mainly silver (~20-35%)^[2] and some tin, copper (~10%), and zinc (~2%)."

So i concluded that

1) Wow, I have silver in my mouth! xD

2) There may be detrimental health effects. ><

3) I'm gonna pollute the environment when I'm dead. =.=

Hey! mind your teeth~

Well, I had to open my mouth BIG AND WIDE for about half an hour (or more?) and that isn't a pleasant sensation. I had a dizzy spell and extremely sore jaws after that. (well, try gaping for half an hour, then you'll know what I' saying) Okay, I admit, maybe the dizzy spell was because I was deprived of my afternoon sleep time, but still....

Anyway, to all the kiddos out there~ take care of your teeth. Going to the dentist's ain't that scary, but it ain't fun either. Getting your pearly whites patched up with a shade of silver ain't that pretty too...

And you wouldn't want to pollute the environment, would ya?

fishtail yu

Prelude

Ooooh~ 1st post here....hmm, I'm quite excited.

Or maybe the real truth will be that I'm in high spirits.

(Did I just say "real truth"? Gah, what's happening to my English nowadays?)

anyway...let' s start the little game of intro, or do whatever people do when they create a new blog. Um, what do they do, then?

*puzzles*

......

*gives up*

Whatever. Guess I'll just write what I want to. *shrugs*

So...firstly

To those who are interested and followed me from my old blog to this new one, I would like to say, thanks. I appreciate that, a lot.

To those who are here for the first time, welcome. I hope you like what you read. Feel free to leave a comment, even if it's just a greeting, or anything. I'll like that. ^^

Anyway, I'm fishtail. Not literally, of course.

hmm, me? I'm kinda one of those "lost souls" who are still trying to find themselves, to know who they are, and trying to figure out this life as they tread on the path of self-discovery. And then, I'm just another everyday teen, matured at times, childish next; maybe rash, but learning as i go. A teen, with all the whims and fancies of a normal teenager, trying to do what I think is right, but maybe messing up things. But then, please forgive me if I mess up anything. I'll learn and improve, and be a better person. =]

that's all for the day, methinks. anyway, thanks for dropping by. ^^

- fishtail yu -