Once again, I prove the fact that I blog when I have something important to do. *ahem*exams*ahem*.

I tried to sign into my old blog just now. Just to, relive the memories. The days we had. The pranks we pulled. The times we cried and argued, only to find that it brought us closer together. The days we spent playing tennis in the rain. The nights we practiced the instrument over and over again until our hands ache. The afternoons we spent wasting our time in the library skipping practice. The hugs and tears during graduation. And the heartbreak I had once upon a time...

Well, they're gone.

The words I poured out. The blog bitching I did. They're just gone. Cause somewhere along the road Windows Live decided to erase the Spaces.

And now I'm left with regret for not saving them when I had a chance. I feel like wringing my own neck. Ugh.

Which brings me to this.

Regret.

I don't want to regret my life.

I don't want to study my ass off, get a good job just to graduate, be an employee and slave my life away.

I don't want to be those people, who has this engraved on their tombstone. "Buried at 60, dead at 30"

I don't want to simply EXIST.

"We're here to put a dent in the universe. Otherwise why else even be here?" - Steve Jobs

"I want to be someone great. To make a small difference in this world because of my existence." - Gidden (sorry for my crappy translation. :P)

Don't we all?

So why are we giving up on our dreams?

Priorities, you say. Expectations that you have to live up to. Society that you have to care for what they think. Parents, family that you have to pacify. Money that you don't have. Culture, the barrier that you can never overcome. Naysayers, planting seeds of doubts. Or just simply, I'm not enough.

Not great enough. Not capable enough. Not rich enough. Not confident enough. The list goes on.

And that's what left of our dreams. Just dreams.

Excuses schmexcuses.

"Doesn't matter what you've heard, impossible is not a word. It's just a reason, for someone not to try." - Kutless, What faith can do.

"Don't say: I can't do it. Say instead: How can I do it?" - Mal Emery, Your Right to be Rich.

As the old saying goes. There's a will, there's a way. Or else, how did Terry Fox ran more that 5000k in 143 days with one amputated leg? How did Air Asia came to be one of the 1st chosen flight companies in Malaysia and in some other countries too?

They had the passion that drove them to success. Just like everything else in life, you can't live without passion. How would you feel if you woke up every morning thinking "I don't want to go to work" for the remainder of your life? (Just like I do now. :P) You won't get far in what you do if you don't have that fire burning within you.

So, just go after what you love. If you really want something, you'll find a way to make it happen. At what cost. You'll mould your life around it. You'll find a way to convince others. You'll make it work. When you do something with a passion. It shows. And the obstacles will just fall away.

Live life with no regrets. There's only one chance. One life. Make it worth.

Fishtail

Not for the faint-hearted - Braving the Malaysia KTM chaos

This post was written without the intention of any offense. If any is taken, my apologies in advance.

Public transport.

Ah, everyone who has been on one have some experiences to share about it. Especially if you live to tell the stories of the Malaysia commuter train. And being a poor student with no vehicle stuck in the middle of nowhere, taking the commuter is the only way if you want to save money, albeit a bad choice.

First, you wait...

And wait...and wait...

For the trains that are never once on time. Or if you look at it from another perspective, it is on time. Why? There's this digital board at the platform with the arrival time of the train blinking at you. The time displayed on the digital board changes every few seconds, each time delaying the train to 10 or 15 minutes later. So in a way, the train always comes at the time shown. It is from firsthand experience I can say that it may be possible for a train that was scheduled to arrive at 2 to be delayed to sometime near 4. And nope, I'm not exaggerating. Just ask anyone who has been on the ktm.

What about schedules, you ask? Well, we do have train schedules, we just run it on Malaysian time. Which gives it an allowance of plus minus 1 hours to 2 hours uncertainty to the actual time.

And the train arrives...

Finally! Packed to the brim with people of all sizes. Now's the time you abandon every moral or ethics you ever have or learnt about in your lessons about queuing up. There should only be a first and foremost rule in your mind. SQUEEZE IN! Get in, find your corner and hold on with your life! Well, you may get lucky during the peak hours, when no effort is needed to get into the train. You just need to stand in the middle of a crowd and go with the flow. Don't worry, they'll bring you in. There was a time when I was literally swept off my feet by the crowd while trying to get in. Thank god that there was no space for me to fall as I was sandwiched between people, or else I would've been trampled to death.

p/s: I was in the ladies coach. So guys, never underestimate girl power! Grrrrrr!

Now that you're in...

Surrounded by sweaty bodies, all kinds of body odours and perfumes. You're standing next to a fat guy who is sweating profusely and because your hand is plastered on his, now your hand is slick with HIS sweat. You're afraid of breathing too deeply in case you get suffocated. There's no need for any handholds though, you can't fall even if you want to. The train wobbles a lil' from side to side as it moves, so you get to be part of a Mexican wave. Don't worry, it's to improve the companionship between fellow passengers. There'll also be the frequent bouts of electricity shortage where you'll be stuck in a dark carriage. With your sense of sight partially hindered, your other senses will be heightened. You can almost hear the wheezing of a person a few meters away and smell the fresh sweat leaking out of pores... then there's the heat of being cramped in a sea of bodies in a limited space...

Don't complain though, it's all for the bonding of fellow passengers. After all, what better way to bond than when you experience a harrowing experience together?

And just for future reference, remember to pee before you get into the train. It's not a pleasant feeling having something pressed on your full bladder. On second thought, if you DO pee on the train, at least you get breathing space as people will be too disgusted to get near you. You'll have to brave the humiliation though.

You reach your destination...

By focusing and listening hard to the crappy intercom, as you have absolutely no idea where you are when all you can see is a myriad of faces. Now, brace yourself as you'll need to part the crowds to get to the door. Just a heads up, passengers getting in will not wait for you to get out, so go for it! Like everything in life, your freedom is in your own hands. Huzzah!

For ladies...

Unless you're very very tall and can tower even over guys, I recommend the ladies' coach. There's nothing worse than having to spend the entire 2 hours journey with your nose shoved under some guy's armpit or directly in line to a mouth giving out disgusting odour. It's also not fun to have your ear breathed into. Not to mention there's that perv who will have a validate reason to feel you up. "It's so packed that I don't have anywhere else to put my hands!"

But then, being in the ladies' coach have its own cons. Like now, even as I'm furiously typing away on my phone, there's a lady who can't stop flicking her hair over my face. It's kinda hard to distinguish anything on the phone screen over the strands of hair.

KTM quotes

"I'm training to be a stuntman," says a guy who spent the entire 45 minutes journey standing on one leg with his hands on the train wall and his body inclined over a seated passenger at almost 45 degrees.

"hey, can you please hold this for me? I need to put my phone into my bag in case it falls and breaks."

"dude, there's no large enough gap for your phone to drop."

- This post was written by the author while stuck in a dark and hot carriage for TWO HOURS listening to the repeats of "Attention to all passengers, the train to Sg.Gadut will not be arriving on schedule. We can not guarantee when the train will reach as there is an electricity shortage at the Serdang KTM station." What can I say? Malaysia Boleh! -

Interpretation of the signboard:

- KILL ALL MEN

- DESTROY ALL COUPLES

- lesbians are encouraged

- single mothers are encouraged.

Fishtail Evonne

My Calling

Though I'm really not sure if birds are happy with french fries or just good ol' bird seeds. Y'know, all the hype about processed food and cancer. Birds should know a lot about things, i think. After all, there's that phrase: "A little bird told me" :P

So, after hours and hours of frustration, nights upon nights of pondering and agonising about my future...

There's that bright light ahead!!!!! :D

I've found my calling. Finally. *relieved sigh*

Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing.....

Expedition and Wilderness Medicine ;P

The name in itself is pretty much self-explanatory, no? *dreamy sigh* A gem discovered when I was randomly reading medical journals out of boredom. (no updated stories on Wattpad + Physics examinations looming = a very verrrrrrrrrrrry bored person. ;P) *smug look* don't ever ever tell me that spending time online is wasting time. I beg to differ. xP

Yes, I understand that it's a relatively new field. Yes, I know it's different from what I'd wanted to do all along - cutting up people. (On a sidenote, maybe I've grown out of being sadistic after all! ;P) And yes, I know that facilities and courses associated are not in the Wild Wild East yet.
It's new in European countries and US, most probably meaning that it's known by a handful of people in Asia, and none at all in Malaysia! As usual, my faith in my home country is really reassuring. ;P

*pretending that the thought just occurred* Ohya, there's my dear mom and her objections too.

*predicting conversation*
"It's too dangerous, why don't you find a normal specialty and just settle down. How do you expect to start a family if you're always running about in the wilderness? And don't start on me that crap about not starting one or what will be will be.....yada yada yada"
*all the while shooting glares at my dad challenging him to state otherwise*

And my dad will sit me down some other time when we're alone and state the pros and cons and ask me to research more about it. See? That's why we love the Dads in this world. :D

(Sorry mom, but I love you too. ;P)

I know, my ramblings are going a bit off topic. xD That happens when a certain someone is excessively hyper induced by extreme happiness! Just exaggerating a lil' bit here. *winks*







Soooooooooo........did I mention that I'm insanely happy?

And, Let Us Mourn the Passing of Politeness and Cordiality

(For lack of a better word. It's actually 礼让精神)

1/5/2011, Labor's Day. I was at a Buddhist ceremony, a chanting and praying session, won't go into the details though, as I don't know them too. :P What got me thinking was the attitude of the people, even when they were seemingly in the House of God.

At some point during the ceremony, we were given a choice to "bathe" the Buddha. Said to cleanse our sins, purify our souls or just as a blessing and whatnot. The long queue didn't amaze me, as it was quite a big hall, and fully packed. The thing that caught my attention was that the "queue" wasn't even a queue. Picture in your head, there's one highway lane, and the cars in Malaysia are stuck in a jam. Now, substitute the cars with people and voila! Get what I mean? Those people pushed and shoved each other, ignored old folks, cut the queue, made rude comments etc etc. The irony? It was a God worshipping session, where you were supposed to repent, for your sins.

You know, it's kinda sad, what our society has been reduced to. Makes me wonder. Was there really a time, where people were polite, kind, compassionate and sincere with each other? When everyone actually shared and give, and not just the minority? When chivalry wasn't six feet under? When girls wear actual clothing and guys actually wear guy clothes and not something androgynous? When people actually treat each other as equals without all those labels or material values? Ok, I think I'm rambling off topic, but you get the gist, don't you?

I feel totally mocked by the fact that the citizens of Japan are calm, collected and organised in the face of a major disaster, even lining up to receive supplies after the earthquake. Oh, just mentioning, their streets were without trash too. And to think I spent my entire morning one day in February volunteering to pick up trash by a waterfall which is a tourist attraction. We spent hours, filled more than 15 trash bags and we weren't even halfway through. Makes me feel so proud of my country and the people in it.

What has gone wrong? Our education? Bringing up? Environment?

And don't feed me the crap about Moral being a compulsory subject in school. We all know how much of an impact that really is.

給，同一片天空下的你們

天氣很好，看着窗外的藍天白雲發呆，很舒服很寫意。想起你們，同樣的天空下同樣的城市或是不同的，在各自忙着過自己的生活吧？就這樣看着天空，好想好想，是我們幾個在一起，就這樣躺在草原上，享受着。感受着綠草的柔軟，微風的親撫，看着天上的白雲互相追逐嬉戲。無聊時，看一看故事書，玩一玩牌，睡個午覺。雖然有講不完的廢話，不過不說話就也不會尷尬。你說，多好？

就透過那一片玻璃看出去，小小的一個四方，透著好多種的變化。這一秒這片雲在這，下一秒就不見了。想起，生活是多變的。多少人，在生命裡只是個過客。不過很高興，至今還有你們在我生命裡，扎著營。十年，二十年，就算是滿頭銀絲了，請記得，我生命裡永遠留著的那一片大大片的空地，是留給你們的。

真的很想念中學時那多姿多彩的生活。因為有你們而多姿多彩的生活。都怪你們，讓我覺得現在的生活很沉悶無趣。因為有你們在的時候，每一分每一秒都會有歡笑聲。從小到大做過最瘋，最白痴，最無聊的事情，應該都有你們在吧？以後，還有更多更多三八的，有趣的事，有趣的人和地方，等著我們一起去發現。

人說，知音難尋。所以嘛，尋到了就要好好珍惜。感謝上天，我遇見了你們。一群有一樣的興趣，一樣的爛習慣，一樣廢，一樣三八。很相似的一群人，卻都各有自己特別的性格，習性，特點。就算不見面，默契卻依舊，感情也不變。

天，依然藍。朋友，身在他鄉，遇到挫折或是什麼不愉快時，請記得同樣的天空下，有人在想着你，在支持着你。要放棄時，記得你身後永遠有這批啦啦隊，為你打氣加油。記得，在追逐夢想中，你並不孤獨。

期待，下一次的相聚。

-

You know, there are times when you think: life has too many restraints. You worry about the consequences of your words and actions, about your future. You think about all the what if's, and the what will be's. You want to follow your heart, but you're afraid you'll fall, hard.

Quote the movie, Three idiots.

"How can you be living today, when you’re so afraid of tomorrow?"

Well, yes, I understand that. But the problem is, I can't not worry for tomorrow. I can't leave anything and just live my life as I want it. Pretty much selfish of me if I chose to do so. But, how I want to. How I want to!

Right now I'm studying my A-levels, a JPA scholar, on my way to a career in Med. At times I can't help but wonder: Is this a life I want to lead?

Dreams and Reality. For those who gets to realise your dream in reality, count your blessings. It's not something everyone gets to do. So you best grasp it as it is and enjoy your ride to the max.

My dream? Was, and still is, to travel the world. Even when I was making my choice as to my future career prospect, I was grappling with these 2 choices:

Do I want to be a good doctor, to serve humanity, to sacrifice?

Or Do I want to travel the world and quench my desires?

To me, there's no middle ground. I desperately want to enjoy life to the max when I'm still young. It's a long road in med school, some 10+ years of education after high school. Contrary to some, I knew what I was walking into. I wasn't onto the unicorns and rainbows of the life of a doctor. I had the notion about what the harsh reality of a doctor's life is, but I still plunged into it, eyes open and all. And I know if I continue down this road, I'll have to devout my attention to it and leave my dreams behind. Yes, I know I'll strive to become a good doctor.

But do I really want that?

Do I want to become a doctor? If you ask me that, I'll give you a definite yes. And I can list out a string of reasons why I want to become a doctor. But in the end of the day, when it's just me, asking myself the same question, I'm not that sure.

Do I want to travel for my life? A month? A year? A few years? Yeaaaa! Definitely a "Hell Yes" there. But do I want to do it for the rest of my life? I don't know. I've only seen the pros to it, but not the cons. So how can I make a decision? You may say, take a leap of faith. But in the end, I can't do it, cause I'm too afraid of my future to take that leap. Buddhism saying: I can't Let go.

All my life, up until now, I've been trying to be like my brother. To follow his footsteps. Yea, I may kid myself that I'm not. But it's always like him, or better than him. Much of my thoughts and views on life and things in general are influenced by him. Yes, I wanted to be a doctor before he even wanted to. But I can't help thinking that following up with the decision, was I subconsciously following his footsteps? I'm not blaming anyone for the choices I've made though. Just generally reflecting, and trying to come to terms with myself.

Funny, how I always want to be someone else. I always try to be those that I admire: some of my friends, my family, or distinguished personas. And I can't help losing myself a little day by day.

What happened to the saying that I stand by?

"Always be yourself. Cause life is too short to be anybody else."

I've tried to be somebody else for god knows how long. But from now on, I'll try to be myself.

And the first step is to find myself, and figure out what I really want.